Category: Puns
MY CURRANT AFFAIR
Yes we are an item
Eccles Cakes and me
We meet up at the bakery
And she pops around for tea.
I’ve seen lots of firm round buns
And I’ve looked at many a tart,
But none of them will do for me,
Because Eccles has my heart.
We meet down at the bakery
And I take her home for tea.
We’re certainly an item,
Sweet Eccles Cakes and me.
THEY BREED LIKE RABBITS.
“Hmmm” mused Rabbit, “Why aren’t we rabbits good at more things?”
“Well” Chair answered, “You rabbits are very good at breeding.”
“I was musing to myself, not to you” Rabbit snorted,
“Besides, you can’t give an opinion – you’re a chair. Your only purpose is to be sat upon.”
“That may be so” came the reply,
“But while people are sitting they think, and thinking is catching.
You rabbits should try it.”
“We think … we think” said Rabbit.
“You only think about sex. You are at it day and night … in fields, down holes – talk about ‘Don’t Litter Australia!” Chortled Chair.
“Breed, breed, breed … it’s all you lot do!”
“Well, smarty seat” sneered Rabbit,
“If we breed so much, why aren’t there more Rabbits? Why isn’t every living creature a Rabbit? Why isn’t the world chocker-block full of bunnies?”
“Ha” said the Chair,
“It’s because you are only good at breeding – you are absolute crap at economy.”
“Wot?”
“There are never enough resources to support all these litters of bunnies – It’s a battle to survive. Only the smartest and toughest rabbits, or the most coddled, survive. You should read Darwin” said Chair.
“I think you’re talking through your seat” replied Rabbit.
“It’s all true” laughed Chair,
“You bunnies are just a big bunch of miserable fuc….”
“Ooo, you are wickered!” Interupted Rabbit.
Nature Abhors A Vacuum
It is possible that the punch line is stolen … I really can’t remember (or care)
I was absolutely stuffed earlier today.
Then the doorbell rang.
It was the Grim Reaper.
I chased the old bugger off with our vacuum cleaner.
I was Dyson with Death.
… Thank you, thank you – I’m here all week!
Foxings 